Hey, it’s Optimus Prime here. I’m a pretty cool guy who likes to party and hang out with my crew but sometimes there are some things that need to get done around the base and I can’t do them because I’m busy being awesome. The other day one of our scientists came up with this great invention called “the teleporter” which is going to make doing all these chores so much easier! It turns out you just have to put on a special suit, jack in your brainwaves into the computer, and zap yourself over – boom! You’re at your destination already! And we found that if you plug in someone else’s brainwaves instead of yours then they’ll come along too – so now everyone has an excuse not to help out around the base!
That’s how I ended up here, at this house in the middle of nowhere. The boss man said he had to get away when his wife died and that I was going to be taking care of all these old family mementos – or rather putting them into storage for him “in case anything happens.” It seems kind of silly to me – after all, I can’t really feel emotions like the humans do and I’m pretty sure that as soon as he’s done grieving he’ll let all these things go.
Well, let me tell you about this house! The guy was so picky with how everything was in order it almost made me feel uncomfortable. This room was always kept at 37 degrees, the other one was exactly 68. And this cabinet had to be positioned a certain way in relation to that table and the staircase had to be just so close to the wall – I’m surprised he didn’t make it so I couldn’t access any rooms on either side! They say people can go a little crazy when their loved ones die – and this guy was no exception.
I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone tagging along with me while I moved all these boxes so I came up with a nifty way to make sure everyone stayed away. As soon as I got here, I pulled out my handy-dandy personality modifier ray and zapped the boss man so he’d think I was just one of his sons come to visit. It’s been a few years since I’ve taken on this shape but it isn’t that different from being a police car – I’ll probably have to play the part for a little while longer.
The good news is that it seems like I can really do whatever I want around here – the guy has always been a really uptight kind of guy, but now he lets me get away with this stuff. The other day I went into his room while he was out and pulled out all of these cardboard boxes he used for storing bottles of wine – they were so heavy and difficult to carry that I decided I needed to use my super strength again; unfortunately, it would’ve been a bit obvious for just one of his sons to be able to move them.
I thought about what I should do and then it hit me – why not put the boss man in the other cardboard box? It sounds kinda funny but it made sense – he was always so picky with everything else around here, surely he wouldn’t notice if I mess up his room a little while putting him into storage! This whole estate thing is going to go by a lot faster than I originally thought. The only downside is that when they finally unpack him (if they ever do) there’s going to be some serious questions asked – at least, I think there will be. Who knows, maybe he’ll come out the other end of that thing talking about how great it was to travel through time or something crazy like that.
So anyway, I just wanted to share some tips for anyone else who is going through what this guy is right now – first off, make sure you have someone around who can move things around your house and clean everything up while you’re off in your box! I know a lot of people use cardboard boxes but they are really not ideal for storing human beings so if any of you have any suggestions for a better system then please let me know! The second piece advice I want to give is to try not to overdo it on packing up all those little knickknacks and things you have – if your stuff is really that important to you then you can always unpack in the future!
That’s all for today, I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on so I’m going to cut this short. Have fun leaving your estate cleanout to someone else!